


Kidnapping Superheroes is a Bad Idea

by ihavealotofwords



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: And Love Interests, Captain Y Is A Dork, Humor, I Really Like Him, Kidnapping, Kidnapping Superheroes Is A Bad Idea, Light Kidnapping, M/M, Not a dark fic, Prompt Fill, They Have Friends, Who Will Get You
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-20
Updated: 2014-04-20
Packaged: 2018-01-20 02:31:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,730
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1493404
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ihavealotofwords/pseuds/ihavealotofwords
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kidnapping superheroes is a bad idea. They have friends (and love interests) who will get you.</p>
<p>But maybe that was just the push Steve and Tony needed.</p>
<p>And who wants to be known as Captain Y anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Kidnapping Superheroes is a Bad Idea

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt [filled](http://fanofallthingsadorkable.tumblr.com/post/48070814140/how-does-someone-even-kidnap-captain-america) over at [my tumblr](http://fanofallthingsadorkable.tumblr.com/) :
> 
> Anonymous asked:  
> Two prompts: Steve is kidnapped and Tony (as well as the rest of the Avengers) have to come save him! Then vice versa with Tony being captured. Thanks!! xx

“How does someone even kidnap Captain America?” Tony demanded, staring at the screen that was currently showing some ridiculously-dressed villain demanding all sorts of stupid stuff in return for Captain America’s life. The camera managed to get small flashes of Steve’s golden hair, but he was mostly covered by black straps that, no matter how strong they looked, Tony knew were not enough to actually hold Steve down. The camera swiveled to show a small group of children huddled together, tears streaming down their pale little faces, guarded by huge thugs with guns.

“Like that,” Clint said dryly from where he was perched on the cabinet in the corner.

“He won’t even attempt to get away if it could put children’s lives in danger,” Bruce pointed out, slumping against the table.

Thor was pacing, angrily swinging Mjolnir around. Natasha was silent, leaning against the wall, flexing her fingers.

“What the hell are we waiting for?” Tony asked, looking around the debriefing room they were currently in.

“We can’t just go barging in there,” Bruce said. “We have to have a plan to get to the children.”

“I know that!” Tony said loudly. The door behind him opened.

“Suit up,” Fury said, looking over them all. Tony pulled his briefcase containing the Iron Man armor. Fury stopped him. “Wait, I need to talk to you first.”

——-

Steve could see only a small amount through the straps, but he was able to see the crowd that had gathered around, cameras flashing and news reporters narrating the scene. Every once in a while, he could catch sight of the ridiculous yellow cape that his captor was wearing. The only thing that kept him from moving was the sound of the children behind him, scared stiff and letting loose little sobs. He refused to put them in danger.

Suddenly, a familiar whirring sound could be heard. Steve craned his head and managed to see a repulsor beam strike the ground near his captor. The man jumped back in shock. With his attention elsewhere, Steve decided he could risk a little movement. He twisted his head slowly, shifting the straps that were around him so he could see better. He was able to watch Tony land in the Iron Man armor, repulsors coming up to point at the other man.

“Hey, don’t you know that national icons are supposed to be shared with the nation?” Tony’s voice, metallically distorted, asked in a sarcastic tone. “I think Captain America counts as a national icon. So give him back.”

The villain stood, brushing dust off of his clothes. He took a deep breath to puff his chest out. “You dare attack me? I am Captain Y, and my Y men will take Captain America’s life if you continue interfering!”

Tony chuckled. “Oh man. I think you needed to give that a little more thought. You rip off the X-Men and Captain America. Even worse, you actually go out in broad daylight in that bright yellow cape? I’m glad none of my teammates look that ridiculous, or I might have to quit the Avengers.”

The, er, Captain Y’s face grew extremely red. Steve missed what he said next, though, because a familiar voice hissed in his ear.

“Hey, Steve. No, don’t move! I’ve got it.” Tony sawed through the straps, trying to be quiet and not alert the villain… who Steve thought Tony was fighting. When the straps loosened enough, Steve craned his head back. Natasha and Clint were hauling off unconscious guards while Bruce and Thor were handing the children off to safety.

“Is that so?” Tony said into a microphone attached to his ear. His voice came out of the Iron Man armor. “Jarvis is controlling it,” he whispered to Steve, covering the microphone. “Come on, let’s make this guy pee himself.”

With the children safely out of the way, the whole team gathered behind Captain Y. The Iron Man armor closed down, collapsing back into a briefcase. Steve reached out and tapped Captain Y on the shoulder. He flinched and turned to look at all of the Avengers standing over him.

He probably did pee himself. After he fainted, of course.

——-

Later that night, after several debriefings and one long news interview, the Avengers returned to the tower. Jarvis had already ordered from several restaurants, and they all collapsed on the couch with take-out cartons in hand. They put on a movie as they ate.

Tony sat beside Steve on one of the couches. “Hey, how are you feeling?”

“Stupid,” Steve admitted. Tony shook his head.

“Nah, you couldn’t do anything without putting those kids in danger,” he said. He nudged Steve, wanting to wipe the frown off of his face. “Hey, for once we were able to stop a stupid villain with no casualties or property damage,” he said with a grin.

“Yeah, that’s true,” Steve said with a grin. He turned towards Tony. “Oh yeah, what did you want to talk about? I was headed to the park you asked me to meet you at when I got captured.”

“Ah, it’s nothing,” Tony said, shaking his head. He did his best to keep from thinking about the massive picnic he had prepared, and the roses he had bought, now wasting away in the park. He’d have to get his courage up again before he tried again next time.

——-

Two months later, Tony was sitting at a coffee shop, hat on his head and large sunglasses on his face to try and keep from being recognized, when the smell of chloroform assaulted him. He had a moment to curse before he passed out. “Shit, really?”

When he woke up, he was in a dim, indistinctive warehouse. “Do you guys ever think of changing it up and setting your headquarters in a department store or parking lot or something?” he asked through a horrible aftertaste. Whoever invented that shit obviously had no taste buds. “Anywhere but an abandoned warehouse.”

One of the big, burly, stereotypical thugs nudged Tony’s shin with his shoe. “Shut up,” he demanded in a gruff voice.

“But why? We haven’t even gotten to know each other. Communication is the key to a healthy relationship,” Tony said, glancing around. The room was large and empty. How boring.

“Can we please tape his mouth shut or something?” the other thug asked. “I’ve heard he never stops talking.”

“No!” the first thug shouted. “We can’t hurt him or anything like that. You know what happens if the Avengers find out you did that?” He made a slicing motion across his throat. The other guy huffed.

“Fine,” he said, leaning back against the wall.

After a while of fruitless attempts to slip out of the ties on his hand, Tony sighed. “I really have to pee,” he said loudly. The thugs glanced at each other and pretended that they hadn’t heard him. “I have to pee!” Tony yelled. “Seriously, if I don’t get to a bathroom right now I’m going to pee all over your hostage chair here, and that’s completely unsanitary!”

“Take him to the bathroom,” the larger thug told the other one. The other one glared at him.

“No, you take him. He’s annoying.”

“Oh, it’s coming out! I can’t stop thinking about waterfalls! Oh man!” Tony continued yelling. The first thug sighed.

“Fine, I’ll take you if you promise to shut up,” he told Tony, moving forward to untie Tony’s wrists.

“Oh, don’t worry. You won’t even know I’m here,” Tony said with a grin as he was steered towards a door.

He babbled the whole way down the two flights of stairs and long hallway they had to take to get to the bathroom. The thug grabbed his collar and shoved the door open. “There, now shut up and pee already.”

Tony gave him a pointed look. “I can’t go with you in here,” he said. The thug rolled his eyes.

“Fine, just hurry.” He stepped back out of the room. Tony immediately began searching the room for any way out. He yanked a closet door open and dug through the old cleaning supplies someone had left there. He grinned widely when he saw a grate along the back wall. He found a dusty old toolbox and pulled a screwdriver out of it. It was a moment’s work to remove the grate and slide into the air duct.

Tony didn’t know how Clint did this as often as he did. His knees against the cold metal didn’t feel all that great, and his back ached from being hunched over. But Tony finally found an empty room to drop down into. He peered out of the door and didn’t see anyone. He made a break for it, running down the hall. He turned the corner quickly…

…and crashed right into Steve.

“Tony? Oh, thank God! I thought we were too late!” Steve scooped Tony up into a massive hug. Tony patted his back, feet dangling off the ground.

“Heya, Cap. What took you so long?” he asked.

“We couldn’t track you, it took too long, and we couldn’t find you here, so we thought…” Steve trailed off. Tony shook his head.

“Nah, I’m fine,” he assured Steve. “Really. I was just about to make my daring escape.” He grinned. Steve sat him back down on his feet and looked into his eyes. “I’m fine,” Tony repeated.

Steve leaned forward and kissed him.

Tony was dazed when Steve pulled back. He almost didn’t hear Clint’s wolf-whistle. The rest of the team had gathered in the hall. Thor had the two thugs over his back. They were unconscious.

Tony stuck his tongue out at Clint before tugging on Steve’s neck. “Hey, come on! I wasn’t ready. Do over,” he demanded. Steve rolled his eyes and kissed him again. Tony took the opportunity to deepen it, making Steve the dazed one this time. Tony grinned at him.

“Do you want to go to dinner sometime?” Steve asked faintly.

“That two letter word that would mean I’m turning you down isn’t even in my vocabulary right now, so yes,” Tony said, smirking. “Maybe I should get kidnapped more often.”

“Let’s not,” Steve said, picking Tony up and throwing him over his shoulder. Tony shot a thumbs up to the others, who had varying degrees of amusement on their faces.

Who needed fancy picnics and roses anyway?


End file.
